God doesn’t let children ‘die.’ He lets them ‘live.’ I know this because I saw it in the hospital delivery room on August 5, 1983. Our newly born Benjamin (named for Jacob and Rachel’s youngest) was struggling for breath (congenital heart defect). Two messengers from God (angels) stood against the left wall of the room. One was familiar since he had visited me before. The other I did not recognize. Their hearts were as broken as mine. They literally were grieving with me. Suddenly my little Benjamin’s mouth was closed..no longer struggling for breath. I desperately turned to the two messengers. They were gone……Benjamin’ s spirit…his soul had gone with them. Only his little shell remained….still….empty. But his leaving was not without permission.
As I lay on the delivery table…knowing the ‘life’ of my newborn was literally teetering on the edge….my heart cried out to God. I begged ‘what are you doing??? He was not planned!!! Why did you give him to us…only to snatch him away????’ I was BROKEN. I felt betrayed! I felt I might not survive the brutal severing that was taking place. In my desperation and distress, God spoke….inside my head… to my mind. With a kind, loving, compassionate male voice..He said, ‘You said you Trust me. Do you or don’t you.’ In my pain I considered His question. I considered the origins of ‘life’. I remembered that ‘it is He who has made us and not we…ourselves.’ I fully remembered that Benjamin belonged to God….and not to his dad and myself. Though my mother’s heart was being crushed….having the life sqeezed out of it, I gave Benjamin back to his loving Creator. I thanked Hm for giving life to Benjamin….and for taking Him back unto Himself. I thanked Him for the blessing of the two He had left with me. So when I turned to the two messengers standing against the wall….and saw they had left…I knew…I KNEW…KNEW WITHOUT DOUBT that little Benjamin was NOT dead!!! He had gone with two GENTLE and precious messengers of the Father…..to a place more alive than I had capacity to imagine!!! A few months later as I sat beside the tiny grave…with my mother’s heart still broken…but mending….that kind, loving…male voice spoke, again, to my mind, and reminded, “Carolyn, I didn’t let him die. I let him LIVE!’
Think I’m crazy…think I’m looney…think I’m deranged…think what you will. But God LIVES!!!! And in Him…all… ‘innocents’ live. Fifteen years before Benjamin’s conception , God showed me a manifestation of the ‘city’ where Benjamin would go to…still wet from birth. But…in His mercy..He did not allow me to know that what I had seen….would be happening to ME! When asked how many children we have…I answer, “Four (fourth one came a year later). Three are with us. One is with the Lord.’ The word ‘dead’ cannot pass my lips. Because Benjamin is not dead. He lives!!! After long months of suffering and healing….I came out of the experience knowing this….that God can be TRUSTED…that His decisions are ALWAYS…MERCIFUL. Why God chose not to leave little Benjamin here, in this ‘death’ which we call ‘life’….with a heart defect and its complications….I don’t know. He was no better than any little precious one to suffer such an affliction. The ONLY answer I have …concerns a prayer I sent up to God…..years before Benjamin’s conception and birth.
Years earlier….I stood looking out the window as my little son and daughter boarded the school bus. My heart was so full of appreciation for the blessing I had in them. Too, my heart was full of the knowledge of the worldly dangers they faced. I felt so helpless about the eternal safety of their precious souls. Only God…ONLY God had the power…the control…to bring them safe ‘home.’ My heart dropped to its knees and I prayed as the bus drove away, ‘Father, in your foreknowlege and wisdom…when you look into the future of ANY OF MY CHILDREN and see there….that they will reject you and damn their souls….TAKE THEM WHILE THEY ARE INNOCENT!!! And I MEANT it. I’ve ALWAYS believed in my mothers heart…that when the Father spoke to my mind and said, ‘Carolyn, I didn’t let him DIE…I let him LIVE’……that He was faithful and had answered my prayer.
I am often grossly misunderstood when I don’t gasp and shriek about the ‘innocents’…the little ones who are aborted. Reason being…I KNOW they are escorted back to the loving heart of the Father…by gentle messengers like the two who came for Benjamin. They are His!! They belong to Him….and not to us. The Father is saying about all the aborted innocents, “I didn’t let them DIE. I let them LIVE.’
| Mt 19:14 | But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven. |
Years ago when Jim Bakker headed up PTL…he had a painting commissioned which showed a sad…sad..Christ holding the limp and lifeless body of an aborted child. It broke my heart to see such a distortion of truth concerning ‘life’ and ‘death.’ But I understood that their knowledge was darkened…as mine had been before I had seen a messenger…sent from God… joyously claim the soul of little Benjamin. I can only imagine his delight as he skipped away…hand in hand…with his eternal brother. Many do not yet know that God’s children move from ‘death’ (this carnal existence) to ‘life’ (the unseen and eternal place of the Father.)
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